Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
