like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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