I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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