He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You were trust falling into bushes
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
