Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
