i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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