Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
