how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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