we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
