You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
