i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
