Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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