I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
