'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
