I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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