I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
