Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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