I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
