i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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