fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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