All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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