mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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