yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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