i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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