I'm really into asian looking animals
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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