Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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