i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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