so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
