How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
