Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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