dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
