he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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