No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
