I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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