is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
