when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
