You were right. It hurts to walk today.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
