so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
