Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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