i jhust puked up my retainher.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
