Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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