69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
