just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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