Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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