I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
