I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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