its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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