So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
