Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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