you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
