I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So many bounce houses so little time
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
