I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
