That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
