just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
