It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
